Go Boise State!

Today's/tonight's game between Boise State and Virginia Tech was a demonstration of why it is fun to watch college football sometimes. Boise State has long been a non-automatic BCS invitee whose record has suggested it ought to be included with the big boys -- the Alabamas, Ohio States, etc. But as a WAC member it's had to contend with strength-of-schedule perceptions and concerns. By playing #10 Virginia Tech, something of a perennial power of late, it put itself in a do-or-die situation -- win and be taken seriously, lose and not have a shot at the mythical national championship.

Well, Boise State came out strong, with Virginia Tech making uncharacteristic mistakes, and built a first-quarter 17-0 lead. But VT validated its own position and reputation by coming back and taking the lead -- twice. Finally Boise State had two minutes and a four-point deficit -- and marched down and scored a touchdown so quickly one wondered whether Virginia Tech would be able to score and with with 1:09 left. But Boise State's defense, which had been almost insuperable at the outset but had shown signs of fatigue, was strong enough to stifle Virginia Tech. Final score 33-30. Both teams did themselves proud, showing skill and resilience. A great game to watch.

My preferences in such match-ups are usually not strongly emotional but rooted in something resembling atavism. I tend to prefer the westernmost or southernmost team, so I wanted Boise State to win but would not have been heartbroken had they lost. In addition, I spent some time in Boise when researching my Ruby Ridge book and felt a mild connection. In eight years of living in Virginia in the 1970s, I don't think I ever got to Blacksburg.

A game that lived up to the hype. Love it!

A few complications

Yesterday I had the first inkling of a reaction to radiation, in the form of diarrhea. I took my pills with loperamide HCl and didn't have a recurrence. But it was surely related to the radiation treatment. I have no treatment over the weekend or on Monday. We'll see if this particular complication recurs when I resume treatment Tuesday.

Then late last night, I searched in places where they had been hidden and smoked a tobacco cigarette. I feel ridiculously -- or maybe not so ridiculously -- guilty about it. I had quit, and I didn't even feel that much of an urge, just a desire to inhale some smoke. Well, I may lapse again, but I feel that much more serious about not doing so.

Better next game?

Usually, when a team has trouble sustaining a drive, the most obvious problem is in the offensive line, and although I didn't focus as closely on the line as I perhaps should have (somewhat hampered by the fact that cameramen seldom stay with line play for long if at all) I think that's the main problem for the Bruins, who lost to Kansas State Saturday. It was also true that Kevin Prince, who, the commentators kept reminding us, had very few reps in practice because of an injury, was not especially sharp. He kept missing receivers by just a few inches or a foot or so. But he also didn't have very good protection. I winced every time he took off and ran with the ball, although he was fairly effective at it sometimes.

What any of this means for the future is difficult to tell. The Kevin Prince and the team just might start to click and be rather difficult to beat. But it also looks as if the Pac-10 will be very competitive. Based on this weekend's play USC and Arizona and Oregon State look pretty strong. I'll withhold judgment on the Bruins.

Bring on college football!

A few weeks ago it seemed as if it would never come, but college football season has begun! Of course my major interest is following my beloved but possibly -- we'll see how much -- beleaguered UCLA Bruins. I haven't had as much information from the newspaper as I usually get from reading the Register and other papers at work, so I don't have what I think is a realistic assessment of their prospects. I know only that Kevin Prince is the likely starting QB, expected to start though he had some kind of injury that kept him away from practice for a while. I hope Norm Chow's offensive schemes finally gel. At any rate, I'll be glued to the TV tomorrow at 12:30 PST. However it turns out, it should be more fund than watching the Chargers lose again while the homer announcers keep babbling as to how this is all to the good, it's toughening them up for the regular season.

Surprised by schedule

I have recently commented that with the advent and development of PBS, which was supposed to be a safe place for the highbrow in the arts, it is possible that there was more classical music on network television in the 1950s and early 1960s, before PBS, than PBS -- which has gravitated to the middlebrow and the pretentious, all celebrated as if doo-woop were the essence of high-toned art -- provides today. And now the networks feel no need to give us even a hint of the highbrow, since PBS is supposedly filling that niche.

I have to admit, however, that when PBS does offer classical music, they can still offer gems. I was preparing to watch yet another Angels game, even though their chances for the playoffs are vanishingly thing, when I was idly scrolling through the schedule for other channels. Lo and behold, on KCET, the LA PBS outlet, was a 90-minute show featuring Renee Fleming and Russian baritone Dmitri Hvorosvtny in St. Petersburg. Well, especially since like undoubtedly many males I have a crush on Renee Fleming, so much for the Angels. The show was charming -- some St. Petersburg travelogue and history with joint concerts in different venues -- and the music was superb, ending with the final scene from Tchaikovsky's "Eugen Onegin."

It was followed by the 13th Cliburn international piano competition. The trouble with competitions could be seen on the faces of the three (of six) finalists as the medalists were announced. They tried to look brave and unperturbed, but you could see deep disappointment on their faces. They had worked so hard and all were accomplished artists. The upside of competitions -- for listeners -- was displayed through most of the rest of the program. We got to know the competitors a little and got to hear a lot of wonderful piano music. I still get slightly upset when shows play only short excerpts of music, as much as I know you can't help it unless you're ready for a 12-hour program. After all, the finalists did several recitals, did a chamber music concert with a string quartet, and the played two different concerti by different composers. What a challenge! I thought they all met it well and I hope those who didn't get medals still get their careers jump-started.

Quote of the Day

"If I ever become a rich man
Or if ever I grow to be old
I will build a house with deep thatch
To shelter me from the cold
And there shall the Sussex songs be sung
And the story of Sussex told
I will hold my house in the high wood
Within a walk of the sea
And the men that were boys when I was a boy
Shall sit and drink with me." -- Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953)

Quote of the Day

"And Samuel told all the words of the Lord unto the people that asked of him a king.
And he said, This shall be the manner of the king that shall reign over you: He will take your sons, and appoint them for himself, for his chariots, and to be his horsemen; and some shall run before his chariots.
And he will appoint him captains over thousands, and captains over fifties; and will set them to ear his ground, and to reap his harvest, and to make his instruments of war, and instruments of his chariots.
And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be bakers.
And he will take your fields, and your vineyards, and your orchards, even the best of them, and give them to his servants.
And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants.
And he will take your menservants, and your maidservants, and your goodliest young men, and your asses, and put them to his work.
And he will take the tenth of your sheep: and ye shall be his servants.
And ye shall cry out in that day because of your king which ye shall have chosen you; and the Lord will not hear you in that day.
Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said Nay; but we will have a king over us.
That we also may be like other nations; and that our king may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles." -- I Samuel 8, 10-20

So Yahweh is an Enemy of the State?

Radiation is boring -- so far

It is almost too boring. I don't have quite the mental oomph to think anything more than superficially about politics and my own life is uneventful enough that it's almost not worth chronicling. However, come to think of it, it is somewhat busy. I'm getting radiation treatment every weekday now, and that takes enough time out of the day to make doing projects around the house rather disjointed. But it's so far fairly uneventful -- no side effects yet, though they could still show up. Met with the radiation doctor this afternoon after treatment and confirmed that few side effects are likely; it's only a small part of the belly getting radiated, and apparently not with all that much. There still could be side effects from the chemo drug Xeloda which I'm taking now, but so far so good.

Most interesting thing is that they've marked up my belly with Magic Marker lines and plastic covers for markings to make sure that rays go to the same place very day, and it looks a bit like a child's version of a map. And themain challenge is to lie perfectly still for the 10 minutes or so they are zapping my poor little belly.

The weather breaks, radiation continues

I'm not sure why I hadn't noticed before -- or maybe it's true this summer but hasn't always been -- but on the nightly news Lake Elsinore is typically the hottest city except Palm Springs in the Greater-LA-Inland-Empire area. We're generally 10 degrees or so cooler than Palm Springs, but warmer than everywhere else. This has meant this week temperatures above 110, even unto 114. It was slightly cooler Friday and considerably cooler -- I don't think it got above 85 or 86 -- today. That meant we could actually spend some time outside rather comfortably. We started building a table-level bar on the other side of the upper patio cover, but the repurposed lumber was so tweaked that it wouldn't come out level, so we're going to have to find different lumber. Meantime we abandoned that project and I repotted some plants from the front porch. Pretty boring, eh?

I had another radiation treatment Friday and it went very smoothly -- actually only took 20-30 minutes as the literature we got had estimated. So far no side effects, but I'm aware that the stuff we've read and briefings from doctors and nurses says the effect will be cumulative and perhaps start to kick in after about two weeks. We'll see. I'm hoping overall health is a mitigating factor.

Quote of the Day

"Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson." -- Vernon Law

This quote is sometimes rendered thus: "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards."

Radiation at last

Today they finally started radiation treatment on my beleaguered belly. No big storm, no power outage, no particular complications. They put you on a bed-like thing and a back rest(?) preformed to your own back so you will be in the same position during each treatment. Today they did a few more X-Rays before beginning the treatment proper, then the treatment itself. It consists of the radiation machine, mounted on a track, circling you and shooting radiation in in bursts of 10-11-12 seconds from numerous different angles. At least that's how mine went and I presume will go. You have to lie very still so as to prevent the machine's alignment being off because your body moved, but that's hardly an impossible task.

From all the literature we have read and from briefings from doctors and nurses, the effects of radiation are gradual and cumulative since it's done daily. It's fairly common for people not to have any side affects for about two weeks and then have them come on. Likely side effects of this treatment will be diarrhea, nausea, irritation on palms and soles of feet, vomiting, fatigue. After one treatment I have none of that and hope my experience will be similar to the first bout of chemo, when I felt pretty much none of the more common side effects. I'm hoping that general health -- mine is quite good even in the midst of convalescence and we're being quite cautious about crowds of people -- has a role to play in keeping down the side effects, but I don't know that it does for sure.

Upshot: mild tenderness on the scar, otherwise feeling pretty darn good!

Quote of the Day

"To own a green lawn, we'd have to groom it with chemicals that would kill beneficial plants and insects, ultimately seeping down into the aquifer so that our neighbors will eventually fill their sinks with traces of this broad-leaf defoliant, renowned for thinning Vietnamese jungles. Manicured green grass is an ecological desert, killing diversity and native species. Our views are not widely shared: The lawn care industry in North America grosses $25 billion per year." -- Jonathan Waterman, from his new book, "Running Dry," about the Colorado River.

The stand-up-straight moment

When we were at Dr. Nissen's office last Thursday his nurse practitioner, Honore, asked if I had had my stand up straight moment. After I gave her a puzzled look, she explained that most post- surgery patients tended to walk bent over for a while until they felt confident enough that healing was truly progressing to stand up straight. I knew what she meant, though I couldn't recall such a precise moment. In the first few days after surgery, with about 30 staples in my belly, it felt rather as if there were a fairly heavy weight on my belly, hanging on the outside. Strange sensation. I know the staples weren't that heavy, but it really felt as if there were something like triple the weight there. Although I tried to walk upright and straight, there was a strong tendency to walk bent over. I think my stand-up-straight moment came gradually, with me consciously trying to stand up straight from early on. Only later did it seem as if it didn't require such a conscious effort.

Another moment came early this week. I've mentioned that I had an open wound after Dr. Nissen pulled about half my staples out before leaving Cedars, revealing a sack or hole under the staples that would have stayed if he hadn't removed the staples (it looked like a piece of raw prime rib sliced). Jen packed the wound and dressed it faithfully until the depression was almost gone and it seemed superfluous (maybe a couple of days before ideal, but what did we know?). Since then there had been a pronounced scab on part of the wound that got a little smaller every day but stayed for several weeks. Dr. Nissen suggested rubbing Neosporin on it to soften it, so that's what I did. On Monday, somewhat softened, it simply fell off, leaving behind no sign of its presence, not even a spot that was darker pink than the rest of the scar. That's when I felt the healing was virtually complete. The scar, especially the part under the old scab, is still a little tender when I stretch, but it's starting to feel as if normality is just around the corner.

Quote of the Day

"Of all the means birds use to talk to one another, the one that most delights mankind is the bird song, which sounds like a beautiful melody, but which is really the way one male threatens another; the more often the male sings his song, the more menacing his warning becomes.

"What the singing bird is doing is telling all other males that he is the owner of a piece of property -- a feeding and nesting ground -- where he shelters his mate and finds food for his young. Should the song of warning be ignored, the invading bird -- who may be attempting to steal the mate by forcing the 'homeowner' out -- is attacked. Usually, however, the threat is enough to scare the challenger off." -- Roger Tory Peterson

Weird weather makes for gorgeous sunset

It was a strange and potentially discombobulating day today, but it ended fairly well. Naturally, on the hottest day yet (I think) or at least one of the hottest, we wake up to the certainty, only suspected the previous night, that our home air conditioner isn't working. This leads to hasty consultation with a couple of home-handyman books (most of which say for anything really complicated you better call a professional) and some online sources, and a determination to stop by the local electrical supply store on the way to or from the appointment with the radiation doctors at 1:00.

Hot? Our car thermometer may read a degree or two above actual, but it's not too far off. It showed about 101 at our house as we got into the car, and 114 at the doctor's office in Wildomar. Pretty hot. I went in for what was planned to be something of an orientation session followed by an actual treatment. They lined the machines up on the dots the CAT-scan lady had tattooed on my belly and took a couple of X-Rays to make sure my internal organs hadn't moved significantly since the CAT-scan about a week ago. Then as they were setting up for the actual treatment, the power went out -- all those air conditioners pulling more than peak power could provide, I suspect -- and befuddlement reigned. It was probably compounded by the news they heard from their office in Hemet, that there was a terrific thunderstorm there, with rain coming down heavily. Finally, since the power outage made it so they would have to reboot all their electricity-run machines, presumably including the radiation gun, they told me they wouldn't be able to do an actual treatment today that we would have to wait until tomorrow for the first one.

Leaving the office we were accosted by evidence of storms, with heavy winds and the occasional clap of thunder. We got some drizzles on the way home, including at Four Corners, and at the electrical supply store. The guy there was helpful, suggesting we bring in a fuse box from above the compressor outside. We did that, Jen took them in (noting there was a downpour at the store about a mile from our house, while we got just a couple of sprinkles at our house) and the guy just replaced all the fuses. Twenty bucks. Fortunately, that was enough to induce the air conditioner to work properly again. Thank goodness! We weren't looking forward to paying somebody a bunch to fix the compressor or even replacing our vintage system for several thousands.

The climax of the day came with the sunset, all pink clouds with deeper orange hues spread all across the western sky. We love cloudless hot days, but such days usually produce fairly boring sunsets. You need some clouds for the falling sun to reflect against from several different angles before darkness finally overtakes the scene and puts the lights out for truly spectacular sunsets. Tonight's was a humdinger!

Red sky at night, sailor's delight!

Quote of the Day

"Sweet are the uses of adversity.
Which like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in everything."

William Shakespeare (or the Earl of Oxford)
"As You Like It"

Birdsongs and private property

Spending so much time at home has reminded me of what I take to be a rather beautiful relationship. Jen and I have spent a fair amount of time paying more attention to birds than we usually do. Since we have so many trees and shrubs in our yard, we have lots of birds, and having breakfast on the front porch is a lovely experience, listening to all the various birdsongs and watching them fly, peck on the ground, and raise families. We've even bought a couple of books to help us identify species and just know a bit more about what we're watching.

I warrant that for most people listening to birds sing is an almost unalloyed pleasure. Even birds whose singing consists of harsh squawks are fun to listen to. There's a certain peacefulness, a sense that all's right with the world that comes with listening to birds sing. From the perspective of the birds, however, most of those cries that please us so much amount to a male saying to all other males of the species, "This is my territory. Stay away! Come too close and I'll peck your eyes out." (All right, most birds are so constituted that the real territory claimant has an advantage and hardly ever has to fight to validate his claim.)

The important thing is that a natural phenomenon most people find beautiful is in fact a celebration of and assertion of private property. "This is mine, and I will defend it. I have the right to exclude all others." I find it not at all odd that this celebration of territoriality is beautiful to most of us. Birds would nto survive if they didn't claim enough territory to have the resources to feed their families. That's the arrangement that works best for the species. Likewise, a system of recognized private property rights seems to be what works best for the human species -- perhaps not essential to survival, but certainly important to thriving and prospering as a species.

Private property. It's a beautiful thing.

Back on track -- we hope

It has been a reasonably eventful few days.On Thursday we had our post-operative appointment with Dr. Nissen, our formidable surgeon. We also took the occasion to see Dr. Drazin, our second-opinion chemo doctor. He reassured us that the apparent delays in getting to the radiation treatment were not medically worrisome, though he understood that delay could complicate my going back to work at the most appropriate time. Guess we'll just grin and bear it and make it through somehow.

On Friday we went to the chemo place in Wildomar, and were almost reassured that they're actually beginning radiation next Wednesday, not just having another prep session. They issued us the Zelota pills for this round of chemo that coincides with radiation and said to start taking them Wednesday. When we let the chemo people know the radiation people were vaguie about whether actual treatment would begin, they said to bring the pills with us that day and we'd start taking them if radiation actually began.

Actually, it's only mildly irritating. We've figured out I can get back to working the first week in October either way, so it will be OK. But it's a bit irritating to get the feeling that the medical staff people aren't actually listening, even though they may be nodding sympathetically.

Quote of the Day

"Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it; no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it…. The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure that it is right; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which seeks to understand the minds of other men and women; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which weighs their interests alongside its own without bias; the spirit of liberty remembers that not even a sparrow falls to earth unheeded; the spirit of liberty is the spirit of Him who, near two thousand years ago, taught mankind that lesson it has never learned, but has never quite forgotten; that there may be a kingdom where the least shall be heard and considered side by side with the greatest." Learned Hand, “The Spirit of Liberty,” speech, Central Park, New York City, May 21, 1944

Staying persistent

Today was both helpful and mildly frustrating regarding medical procedures. Jen and I went to the radiation oncologist and I got a CAT scan to give the doctor information on which to base the treatment regimen. The CAT scan operator was very helpful and informative. She also put a few "tattoos" on my belly to guide the radiation machine operators when the treatment begins. All fine and dandy.

We're still not absolutely sure when the actual treatment will begin, however. Next Wednesday I'll go in for orientation with the radiation technicians, and presumably the first treatment will take place either that day or the next -- but they're not quite sure of that. The treatment cold be postponed until the first week of September, which could potentially pose problems. Due to disability law and the like, I have to be ready to return to work, even if it is working from home, by the first week in October. If radiation isn't quite done by then, it could pose problems if my reaction to radiation is negative. Since my response to chemotherapy has been generally positive, I have high hopes for a reasonably unremarkable bout with radiation, but the effects of radiation are cumulative, which could mean it will be worse toward the end than at the beginning. I don't understand what strikes me as a fairly lackadaisical approach from the radiation folks; we may have to push to get it started earlier.

Quote of the Day

"The main weakness of brute force or violence . . . is its sheer inflexibility. It can only be used to punish. It is, in short, low-quality power.
"Wealth, by contrast, is a far better tool of power . . . Wealth can be used in either a positive or negative way. It is, therefore, much more flexible than force. Wealth yields medium-quality power.
"The highest-quality power, however, comes from the application of knowledge . . . High-quality power is not simply clout. Not merely the ability to get one's way, to make others do what you want, though they might prefer otherwise. High quality imnplies much more. It implies efficiency -- using up the fewest power resources to achieve a goal .. so as to avoid wasting force or wealth altogether." -- Alvin Toffler

I suspect there's both a certain amount of wishful thinking in Toffler's sentiment and also some power porn. It is hardly surprising for a person like Toffler (or me, and probably you), who deals in knowledge rather than brute force of wealth -- an intellectual, if you will -- to prefer to believe that the power that comes from knowledge is of higher quality than the power from other sources. It would be unlikely to hold up in a battle of brute with tire iron vs. intellectual dispensing or using knowledge. If one questions whether power over others is usually a good thing, or that using power "efficiently" is desirable, the whole discussion becomes rather moot. I have nothing against trying to persuade others of one's convictions or beliefs, but things get dicey when persuasion morphs into power. If the ideal society arises when I have 100% control over my own actions and possessions and 0% over yours, conflating persuasion with power is problematic. One wonders whether Toffler is little more than a court intellectual, dancing attendance on those with real power.

Insulting Coors commercials

Years ago, when I first went to college, the beer of usual choice at our fraternity was Coors. Over the years I have developed a preference for darker, heartier beers (though my variation on Will Rogers is to claim I never met a beer I didn't like) so I haven't had a Coors in years, and the likelihood of being tempted by a Coors Light is vanishingly tiny. I appreciate that the Coors family has sometimes contributed to political causes of which I approve (and some I don't), but that wouldn't lead me to buy their beer just now, except perhaps once out of curiosity.

I'm glad about that for another reason. Watching more TV than usual during treatment and convalescence, I've had occasion to notice the theme of the Coors Light commercials these days. The message is that various clueless guys are so entranced with Coors Light that they don't notice a wife looking to be planked that night or cluelessly lead a girlfriend into thinking a proposal is imminent. Message as I see it: our target audience is clueless guys who think it's funny that they might prefer beer to women. Boy, does that theme turn me off.

Being insistent with doctors

Back to the doctor-visiting regimen today -- and unfortunately (or maybe not), back to having to insist a little bit (politely, of course) to get the kind of treatment we wanted from our doctors. We saw Dr. Sehgal, our chemo oncologist today to review matters after one cycle of chemo. It all looks pretty positive except for an uptick Dr. Sehgal thinks is anomalous in the Ca-19 reading. Then came time to nail down our radiation schedule, and the first thing the nurse said, after consulting with the radiation office, is that they plan to begin actual treatment (5-1/2 weeks) around Sept. 3. That would be too late for our schedule, which requires getting back to working, at least from home, by Oct. 7. We protested, then Dr. Sehgal talked directly to Dr. Mason, and things changed.The first blush was the set-up already scheduled for Friday to be followed by first treatment early the following week. Then on the way home we got a call from the radiation office changing the set-up appointment from Friday to tomorrow.

Moral, from our perspective: stand your ground with authority figures like doctors and if what you're asking for is reasonable, which ours was as everybody stresses not having big gaps in treatment, you'll probably get it. In the respect, I can't recommend Sharon Presley's new book, "Standing Up to Experts and Authorities," highly enough. It has not only philosophical arguments for being insistent with authority figures, but scads of very practical tips about questions to ask of a wide range of authorities. I can't prove it in our case, but I suspect the original schedule was built around the doctor's vacation rather than the patient's needs. But we got what we wanted eventually. So stand up for your rights, even if it isn't necessarily a matter of absolute right!

Relishing small triumphs

I don't think I have mentioned just how pleasant it has been for the last couple of weeks to take a shower without having to cover some significant part of my body to prevent it getting wet. I came home from Cedars the first time with a PICC line in my arm for the IVs I was taking every day, so I had to put a giant plastic sleeve over the arm and tape the top when I took a shower. The PICC line stayed in until a couple of weeks after the operation. Then I had an open wound in my belly, and we didn't want to get soap in it (although after a while I rinsed it with clear water after all the soap was rinsed off). Since we stopped packing the wound, however (maybe jumped the gun by a couple of days, but no serious problems), I've been able to take showers without swathes of plastic over various portions of my body. It has been wonderful! Sometimes you don't realize how much you enjoy a privilege until you can't do it.

In general, my health is pretty good. This is the "off" week for chemotherapy and then after a bit of a wait we start radiation combined with a different chemo. Next week we see Dr. Saegal for chemo consultation, then Dr. Nissen for what will probably be a final post-op check-up, and then the radiation doctor on Fiday to work out how we're going to approach the radiation. Little by little, we're getting there.

Quote of the Day

"To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!" -- H.L. Mencken

Quote of the Day

"Intellectual freedom is essential to human society -- freedom to obtain and distribute information, freedom for open-minded and unfearing debate and freedom from pressure by officialdom and prejudices. Such a trinity of freedom of thought is the only guarantee against an infection of people by mass myths, which, in the hands of treacherous hypocrites and demagogues, can be transformed into bloody dictatorship. Freedom of thought is the only guarantee of the feasibility of a scientific democratic approach to politics, economy, and culture." -- Andrei Sakharov

Even so insightful a thinker as Sakharov has a tendency to use the terms democratic and democracy rather loosely. What many people want to invoke with the term is a whole constellation of attitudes and a certain modicum of tolerance that might more accurately be called a civil society, or a society governed by the rule of law -- the kinds of conditions and attitudes that make it possible for a democracy to survive rather than the kinds of attitudes democracy in practice tends to generate. Democracy is simply a way of choosing rulers and perhaps controlling them -- perhaps. A free and decent society is so much more than that, and I'm not sure "democracy" is a good shorthand term for what most people seem to want when they invoke the term.

Journalism and iron demographics

Did I mention that being laid up at home I'm watching more TV than usual? Sadly, I'm reminded even when couch-spudding of some of the reasons for the decline in journalism.

What kinds of commercials do you see on news programs? Well, in addition to the cars and beer and companies promising to get you out of tax trouble, you tend to see a lot of ads for diabetes kits, for various heart medications, for COPD cures and potions to deal with gastrointestinal troubles -- and glasses. And AARP. In other words, the demographic for viewers of televtision news, like the demographic for newspaper readers, trends old. Our best customers seem to be sick and dying, and even if people are living longer these days, which they still are, we're not replacing them with younger readers, a trend newspaper watchers have been noting since the '80s. So the crisis is ongoing. Journalism has to find ways of being relevant to younger people. Being more present on the Web is a good start, but one doubts if it is enough.

Incidentally, I also take from certain television ads that whatever the official figures say a lot of Ametricans still feel like we're in recession. Look at all the offers to sell you gold, which always becomes more popular during inflationary and recessionary times, and to buy your old gold if you're feeling the pinch. They wouldn't keep those "we'll buy your gold" ads on if at least some people weren't responding.

PBS and classical music

During my illness and convalescence I've been watching more TV than usual, and something about PBS programming's effect on overall programming has struck me. Back when government broadcasting began in the late 60s, the promise was that it would bring the kind of highbrow and intellectual broadcasting that network TV, because of the necessity of appealing to a mass audience, would never be able to justify commercially. So if you wanted, as I always have, classical music and opera on TV, the government would just have to provide it.

It strikes me now, however, that there was more classical music and high-toned stuff on network TV in the 50s and early 60s than there is on PBS now. Back then the Firestone Hour offered classical music weekly, and most variety shows featured classical players -- a Jascha Heifetz, Isaac Stern, Artur Rubenstein or Earl Wild or Oscar Levant, or a Metropolitan Opera singer -- Robert Merrill and Richard Tucker were on fairly often. The networks would even broadcast the occasional opera, and not just "Ahmal and the Night Visitors." There was quality drama as well. Not saying it was a Golden Age, but there was quality stuff on TV. Of course the '50s were a time of middlebrow status anxiety as many in postwar America wanted to demonstrate that they were not only succeeding they had taste, so there was impetus for classical stuff on TV.

Now, except for those stations that show Classic Arts Showcase (put together privately and offered free of charge) between midnight and 4:00 a few nights a week, there's just not much classical music on PBS. You can tell the audience they're trying to serve by the pledge drives, which may feature a crossover star like Pavarotti or Andrea Bocelli, but are more likely to be doo-woop or soul music or fifties classics or something distinctly on the pop end of things. That seems to be what the aging baby boomer eager to be flattered as above-average demographic that seems to be the most reliable donors seems to respond to.

In a way it's kinda nice that PBS stations are responding to the market for their services. But if they are to exist as entities that respond to the market, where's the rationale for giving them tax money? The sad thing is that the existence of PBS, whether it has fulfilled its promise or not, relieves network broadcasters of any felt obligation to provide anything highbrow.

Quote of the Day

"Inspiration is not the exclusive privilege of poets or artists generally. There is, has been and always will be a certain group of people whom inspiration visits. It's made up of all those who've consciously chosen their calling and do their jobs with love and imagination. It may include doctors, teachers, gardeners -- and I could list a hundred more professions. Their work becomes one continuous adventure as long as they manage to keep discovering new challenges in it. Difficulties and setbacks never quell their curiosity. A swarm of new questions emerges with every problem they solve. Whatever inspiration is, it's born from a continuous 'I don't know.'" -- Wislawa Szymborska, 1996 Nobel lecture

Quote of the Day

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence." H.L. Mencken
This may have been true when Mencken wrote it, probably in the 1920s, but I wonder if it is still true. People have become so innured to the absurdities in so many courtrooms and so accustomed to treating the proceedings with solemnity rather than guffaws that I wonder how many are tempted to laugh these days.

Steady chemo progress

It is late Friday/early Saturday, and after receiving chemotherapy on Thursday, I have once again not experienced any of what the literature describes as any of the more common side effects for Gemzar. Thursday's was the third chemo treatment, and after having the insertion vein irritated during my second treatment -- which left a small part of my arm tender to the touch almost a week later (although not actively hurting) the oncology nurses seem to have figured out how to dilute the Gemzar with saline enough that it didn't irritate at all going in. That compensated nicely for the 0ncology office people seeming a little confused about what my schedule was going to be. Jen thinks they're not accustomed to patients asking as many questions and asking for copies of all lab reports, etc. as we do. Having this followed by no side effects -- indeed, I had enough energy to treat our slatted teak outdoor coffee table with teak oil, a painstakingly detailed job which improved its appearance and durability about 1,000 percent -- I feel pretty good about my progress. (Jen accomplished more, putting a beautiful stain on and renewing the appearance and functionality of our pool deck.

I still don't feel focused enough to spend eight or so hours a day at the computer, but I'm getting there, maybe. My chemo treatment is three weeks on, one week off, to be followed by radiation treatment (daily) in combination with a different chemo substance, then another cycle of straight Gemzar. That still leaves what seems like a long time -- two months -- before treatment is done and I can truly go back to work. But one can almost see the end in sight -- closer to the end now than to the beginning, which it hasn't felt like until just recently.

Slight hitch in chemo

This morning I thought I might have developed a hitch in my chemo reaction. I threw up my breakfast. However, it was not repeated -- yes, I medicated, including with Compazine. On reflection, I think I did it to myself. I am supposed to avoid milk and stick to clear liquids right after chemo, and I not only put milk on my Cheerios,I put way too much sugar. It tasted fine at first, but obviously didn't agree with me. Other than that, response to chemo has been pretty uneventful. I have a slight rash where the needle went in Thursday, but no other side effects noted. I'm thinking full recovery.

Quote of the Day

"Yet, dumbfounded or not by the smoke and mirrors, why do we suffer so much at the hands of these ruler-governors, if we are many and they are few? Why do we become enchanted with the belief that our ruler-governors are just and benevolent. when we experience evidence otherwise every day, everywhere? Why do we allow so many abuses of liberty and property if the power the rulers possess is only that which we bestow onto them? Why do we let them treat us like beasts?"
-- Helio Beltrao, president, Instituto Mises Brasil

How little it takes

I think it was Wednesday that we got a call from the receptionist/assistant at the office of Dr. Drazin, the chemotherapist to whom we went for a second opinion. We had sent her a "thank-you" card, something we usually have done with many of the medical people we've come into contact with -- and something she particularly merited because when she heard the story and knew time was of the essence she got us shoe-horned into the schedule, I think scheduling us before the insurance approval had arrived (though it did). She was practically crying, saying her day started out badly and the card cheered her up and if there was anything -- anything -- she could do for us, we need only ask, even though I'm not her doctor's patient.

We've had a lot of experiences like that, with medical professionals and many others willing to go out of their way or give that little extra effort. We have also done a certain amount -- well, it was Jen coming up with the ideas -- to encourage people to give us the best care. Jen bought a bunch of treats -- Tootsie Roll pops, chocolate-dipped mint sticks, dark chocolate squares and the like -- and offered some to almost anybody who came into the room, from head nurses to cleaning people. I've mentioned before how Jen chipped in by helping with linen, stool samples and the like during my first hospital stay, and how the hospital personnel said it was rare and appreciated. I think all this pay-it-forward stuff contributed to my having an unusually positive hospital experience. And it took so little effort.

Chemo still going well

It has been a little more than 48 hours since I had a chemo treatment, and so far the experience is mostly unremarkable. I have not had nausea -- although a couple of times on Thursday I got that little pre-puke taste in my mouth after a hiccup, but it was just a mouthful, and medication handled it nicely, thank you.

Based on how I acted, I was probably a little fatigued yesterday -- I didn't do much and kept dozing off. I know chemotherapy is a real ordeal for a lot of people, but so far it has been pretty easy for me.I think my overall good health except for that pesky tumor, still mostly intact after everything, is probably a factor.

Backyard birdsong book

Yesterday was our anniversary (#29) and in line with the increasing attention we have been paying to the multitude of birds in our yard, Jen got me (us!) a book called the "Backyard Birdsong Guide." The fascinating thing is that it includes a little machine with recordings of 176 different songs covering about 80 different birds. This makes it potentially very useful, given that even when one is observing fairly closely you often hear birds that you never see, or don't see closely enough to identify them from their markings.

I don't want to sound too much like on old fart marveling at modern wonders, but this book is something of a wonder. The playback device is about the size of an old-fashioned pencil case. It would not be possible except for digital technology. I'm also fascinated at the amount of work involved in collecting all those recordings. It's co-published by the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, so it's likely the publisher was able to call on cumulative work over the years by Cornell scientists, but still and all, that's a lot of recordings. And they are distinctive. A duck doesn't sound a bit like a sparrow. And to put it all together in a product Costco can sell for 12.99 (it's 19.77 at Amazon) is a tribute to market scale economics.

Chemo still going just fine.

It's Monday, and I still haven't experienced side effects from my chemotherapy treatment on Thursday. I hope that's a good portent for the future. In addition, the open wound on my incision is now closed up enough that we decided this morning to stop packing and dressing it and just let it finish closing up those last few centimeters on its own. That's a signal piece of progress. I still feel a little tightness around the incision, but that will take a while to clear up. I feel really good about licking the big C pretty thoroughly.

'Twas a Bullock's Oriole

Since we have spent so much time watching and listening to birds during my prolonged period of staying at home and fighting cancer, and since we have trees and bushes that attract flocks and flocks of birds, we got a couple of Southern California bird books to try to identify some of the birds with which we were not familiar. Looking through them has led us to believe that the bird family we watched last summer and recorded in some blogs with such fascination was a Bullock's Oriole. They established a sack-like nest that looked to be made of excelsior-like straw, very light-colored, glued to the back of a palm frond in one of our front yard tall palm trees. The birds are bright yellow and black (a little white) and the female was almost as colorful as the male. We watched the parents sit on what we presumed must be eggs, then could hear chirping and saw the parents bring food apparently tirelessly. Finally we were able to see little beaks stick out of the nest and a few weeks later watched the chicks take their first flights. It was a fascinating experience, observed from the comfort of our front porch. We saw several of the adults flying around this year but didn't see a nest.

We know we have tons of house sparrows and mockingbirds and quite a few hummingbirds (haven't figured out which variety yet -- don't think it's in either book). Now we're finding jays and think we've seen a few starlings as well as mourning doves. It's always interesting to learn more. We bought a birdbath to attach to one of our fences and are deciding just where to put it. That should bring in a lot more birds to see close-up.

Uneventful chemo

It would be just too churlish to say I'm sort of disappointed, so I won't. But almost 48 hours after receiving chemotherapy on Thursday, I have experienced none of the possible side effects -- nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, etc. -- the preparatory pamphlets said were possible. Of course Dr. Saegal's nurses included an anti-emetic (Aloxi) and a steroid (Decodran) in the IV cocktail I received. I also had by my own back-up. The chemo is Gemzar.

This has got to count as good news. Even the recent literature suggests that most people find chemo at least a bit of an ordeal. If it does the job of killing any and all cancer cells without unpleasant side effects, all the better! This, combined with the 5-year-survival rate news we got from Dr. Drazin -- 70% without chemo if I understood correctly -- has me feeling very good about being completely cancer-free.

Starting chemo today

Today is the day I finally start chemotherapy, and while I would be surprised if there weren't some unpleasant side effects, I'm actually looking forward to it. It marks the beginning of treatment that is more precautionary than absolutely necessary -- they think they got all the cancer with the Whipple surgery and haven't detected any other hot spots -- it still strikes me as a good idea. And beginning the therapy means that I can see an end to it and a resumption of something resembling normal life.

We feel better about starting chemo (the compound they're using is Gemzar) after having gotten a second opinion from Dr. Noam Drazin, the chemotherapist my surgeon, Dr. Nicholas Nissen, normally uses. He was very impressive in his knowledge, and told us he would have used Gemzar, perhaps in a slightly different regimen, and that our doctors in Murrieta seem to know what they're doing. He also had a comforting statistic none of our other doctors had imparted to us. The five-year survival rate after Whipple, even without chemo and radiation, is 70% for the stage of cancer I had. With chemo it should be better -- and aside from that nasty tumor I'm in excellent health and a good candidate for a long life now. He also said that ampullary tumors seldom come back after having been removed. All this was reassuring on several levels. I'm ready to do the chemo and radiation now.

Chemotherapy next week

Everything seems to take longer and be more complicated to get accomplished than seems necessary sometimes. It doesn't seem as if it should have taken until today to get an appointment to begin chemotherapy next Thursday, considering that we had the educational sessions a full week ago. But it did. Ah, well. We'll be ready and then some.

Combine that with Southern California's current humid heat wave and things just seem a bit out of joint. Yesterday afternoon at about 3:30 the sky darkened and the wind whipped up considerably. The Weather Channel said there was a thunder-and-lightning storm near Hemet and we were just getting an edge of it. But it turned out to be an edge that featured thunder and lightning here in Lake Elsinore as well, around 6:00 or 7:00. That's unusual. I know summer and rain go together in most of the country -- I lived in suburban Virginia for 8 years -- but we usually don't get any rain in Southern California after about the end of April.

Today the yard is full of bark blown off our eucalyptus trees and other vegetation brought down by the wind. Clean-up tomorrow, but it's still expected to be near 100, and while I'm not as frail as Jen thinks I am, I can't spend a whole lot of time in that kind of heat before wanting to go inside where it's cooler, since I can't go in the pool yet thanks to the much smaller but still present open wound. . Should be a lazy day tomorrow, buy we'll have to do some pick-up.

Places In Between

I have not been completely frivolous in my reading since being put on disability due to my cancer and the need for surgery and treatment. One of the motre interesting boks I've read was Rory Stewart's "The Places in Between." It records his walk from Herat in western Afghanistan across various snow-covered mountains -- starting in January 2002, no less, just after the Taliban was thrown out -- to Kabul, a trek that took him 36 days, all on foot. There was no electricity along the route he traveled, but various valleys controlled by different tribes. These places were generally isolated from the rest of the country. In some valleys the ousting of the Taliban made a difference in who controlled the local region, and in some valleys it made no difference.

Stewart took money with him so he could buy food if it was for sale in a marketplace in some of the villages he visited, but for the most part he depended on the ancient Muslim custom of hospitality to strangers (the fact that he was British rather than American and spoke some local dialects probably helped). He had some rough patches - youngsters threw rocks at him and at the mastiff dog he adopted along the way more than once, and some people with Kalashnikovs started out rather hostile -- but he made it. He incorporates some history into his observations -- he was in fact following a path taken by Babur, the first Mughal emperor of India. It was quite an adventure. I think his experience helps to point up the difficulty of establishing an effective central government in Afghanistan, let alone a reasonably honest one. The local villages he visited were isolated and felt no desire to have a central government meddling with the way the elders ran things.

Definitely worth reading.

Pool floating music

Because of my open wound I haven't been able to go into the pool, although it is now prime pool-floating season and the pool (thanks mostly to Jen, who has seen her innate mechanical aptitudes blossoming while I've been somewhat out of it) is in beautiful shape, with the water about 84. In anticipation of being able to swim fairly soon, I'm offering my annual suggestions for proper lounging in the pool and doing pretty much nothing music.

My favorite is still "Journey to the Amazon" by guitarist Sharon Isbin. Ms. Isbin is a first-rate classical guitarist -- I have a Rodrigo "Concierto de Aranjuez" and a Vivaldi recording, and I have seen Bach, Ponce, and other recordings. Here she takes on Brazilian popular music, with its intricate rhythms and gently swinging character -- sambas, bossa novas, etc -- along with saxophonist Paul Winter and percussionist Thiago de Mello. Enchanting!

I'm not sure whether or not to recommend Diana Krall's "From this Moment On" album, which I love. However, it has so many parts that repay careful listening, including what I now see as definitive versions of "It Could Happen to You," "Little Girl Blue," and "Willow Weep for Me," that it shouldn't be seen as mere background music. If you like American standards and good singing, this one's for you.

Finally, the Jacques Loussier Trio 's "The Brandenburgs," which includes arrangements of the six concerti for jazz trio. Interesting. The music is changed almost not at all, except for relaxing the rhythms a bit so it can swing. And yet Bach played almost note-for-note makes some pretty decent jazz -- as the Swingle Singers demonstrated back in the 1960s. This is music that holds your attention yet invites flights of the imagination.

Quote of the Day

"Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind independent of the one prevalent among the crowd and in opposition to it. A new public opinion must be created privately and unobtrusively. The existing one is maintained by the press, by propaganda, by organization, and by financial and other influences at its disposal ... This unnatural way of spreading ideas must be opposed by the natural one, which goes from person to person and relies solely on the truth of the thoughts and the hearer's receptiveness for the new truth." -- Albert Schweitzer, from "Civilization and Ethics," 1923

Lessons from John Wooden

The recent death of legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden at 99 reminded me of a lesson I have learned the hard way. If you admire somebody and they are in anything remotely resembling close proximity to them, make it a point to meet that person even if you feel you are being a little pushy. I was at UCLA off and on for six years, during which time I went to Provo with friends for UCLA's first stint in the regional NCAA playoffs and came to admire John Wooden inordinately. But I never made it a point to meet him. He was gracious to everybody, so I'm sure he would have been gracious to me, and perhaps a friendship would have been sparked. But I didn't play basketball so I figured he wouldn't be all that interested in me.

I also regret not making it a point to meet Friederich Hayek the year he took a guest professorship at UCLA. I had already read "Road to Serfdom" and been influenced by it (and by Milton Friedman's "Capitalism and Freedom") in the direction of a libertarian worldview. So we would have had something to talk about. But he was teaching a graduate seminar and I was an undergraduate and I figured it would be pushy to call on him during office hours or to make an appointment. I deeply regret that because I never did get to meet him -- though I met Milton Friedman some years later and even developed a bit of a relationship with him, Rose and David.

Learn from my mistakes. Make it a point to meet people you admire when you have a chance.

Going flaccid

One of the less attractive aspects of having been a semi-invalid for several months -- limited as to physical activity early on from the PICC line, now because of the incision that is still an open wound (if greatly reduced in size) in my belly -- is seeing my muscles go flaccid. Not that I had anything like huge arm muscles before, but what I had was pretty well defined, even when I was more overweight. Now the flesh hangs loose both in forearm and upper arm. It looks for all the world like the arms of a really old man, which I didn't want to look like for a bit longer. Once the wound is secure I can do a bit more, but then I will be deeply into chemotherapy (we'll get word Thursday as to when we begin) and I don't know just how active I'm going to feel like being during that regimen. People tell me that once reasonably normal activity is resumed -- even stuff like sweeping and doing chores around the yard -- the muscle tone will return. I hope so. The flaccid look is a bit of a drag.

As to weight, here's some context. I played football my freshman year at 165, when I was probably in the best shape of my life. I've been that low a few times since, but mostly have hovered between 170 and 190. Then maybe five-seven years ago I ballooned up to 225. I began losing that weight gradually (and sometimes fitfully) a few years ago and was right around 205 when the jaundice hit in April. Since then I've lost weight steadily and seem to have settled at around 170. I still have flab around my belly, but my waist size is down four inches. I figure to make it more muscle and less flab and stay around this weight once the treatment is complete, which is now looking like October.

Delayed by the open wound

Quite frankly, our focus on the open wound that Dr. Nissen discovered that day we were getting ready to leave Cedars-Sinai, has been -- once Jen got used to packing it -- to marvel at how steadily it is healing. Our trip to the doctors Thursday and Friday, however, was a reminder of how the wound has delayed the next step in treatment -- precautionary chemotherapy. Both the chemo and the radiation doctors (I'll get their names in a future entry) are eager to move ahead quickly, and grateful that during the time the wound has been healing no new infection or complication has shown up to complicate treatment plans.

It's kind of moot now. The wound that was four inches long and looked like a couple of slabs of prime beef is now smaller than an almond and will likely be fully healed by the time we start chemo -- though apparently that's not necessarily required. It's the radiation that couldn't be done until the wound was healed, but that's more than a month away and the wound should be a distant memory by then.

Moving on to chemotherapy

Almost didn't realize just how long I had been away from this pop stand. Part of the reason is that we've decided writing about politics, which I do for a living, even on my own personal blog, might compromise my status as being on disability, and quite frankly little else seems important enough to me to record here. In addition, with the open wound in my stomach, sitting in front of the computer for long stretches is simply not especially comfortable.

However, I suppose a few people are interested in my physical condition and may check here to find out, and quite frankly that is what does seem to consume me, in general for the better. I'm very much interested in getting better. So . . . we spend a good deal of Thursday and Friday at oncology doctors and made preliminary plans for chemotherapy and radiation. We may go the L.A. for a second opinion, but at this point I fee comfortable with the clinic in Wildomar. Our primary care physician, Dr. Susan Danek, is favorably impressed -- and her father is using them.

The chemo doctor is recommending three weeks of chemo and one week off, to be followed by combined chemo and radiation, apparently for four or five weeks, and then another course of chemo. It's longer than I expected it to be. But he says that while it's encouraging that all the post-surgery reports show no remaining cancerous tissues, the fact that there were some affected lymph nodes -- taken out during the Whipple surgery --, suggests an aggressive approach to make sure no cancer has any proper chance of establishing itself again. I concur.

Bottom line: will probably start chemo next week, assuming Anthem insurance authorizes it (they've been good so far). We'll see how it affects me. They gave us an introductory session Friday noting that there could be nausea and vomiting as well as fatigue and diarrhea. I probably won't feel like doing much of anything on the day of treatment and probably the next day as well. Have take some steps to cope with the side effects.

Keep going, Bruins!

Who would have thought that the USA soccer team would have been eliminated from the World Cup before the UCLA baseball team was eliminated from the College World Series? Yet that's what happened today, with Ghana beating Team USA 2-1 and eliminating them, while UCLA clobbered TCU 10-3 and moves into the final best-of-three series against the winner of this afternoon's Clemson-South Carolina game.

As I noted, I have paid attention to college baseball only sporadically. Having watched the UCLA games, however, I'm impressed by the quality of the players and the winning spirit of the team. Pitcher Trevor Bauer, of the discolored cap, who went 8 innings today, seems representative -- somewhat eccentric, but damn good.

Go Bruins!!

The way some people are

Early on in my illness I had plans to keep a diary, but most days I just wasn't up to writing, and even now, with the incision almost healed, I still can't spend more than a few minutes at the computer without feeling some sensitivity in the incision area and flat-out running out of ideas. But there is one memory from our first hospital stay that I wanted to record because I found it so striking and unusual.

When we went to Cedars-Sinai the first time, my wife Jen stayed in the room with me on a cot they brought in. She also helped out whenever and wherever she could -- sometimes making the bed, collecting stool samples (ugh!), cleaning me off, cleaning the room sometimes -- just generally making herself useful and helpful to the nurses. The nurses simply gushed with appreciation. Jen ask a few why they were so effucive, and they said it was extremely unusual for spouses and/or family members to be helpful in the hospital. She and I found that rather surprising. You would think family members would be eager to help, but apparently most of them are more than happy to let the nurses do everything while they just sit around. Maybe it's because hospitals are so expensive they figure they'll get their moneys' worth of care and not pitch in? I simply don't know. But I found it surprising and a little dismaying.

Quote of the Day

"Those who have done the thinking will at the moment of crisis be ready to invoke the decisions they have long since made. The capacity to say them nay depends not alone on the enjoyment of higher authority, but much more on the possessions of an alternative idea." -- Bernard Brodie

I took a class on nuclear weapons and their implications from Bernard Brodie at UCLA way back in the day, and was im[pressed with the rigor and breadth of his thinking. This quote may in part explain why.

Life lessons from Rembrandt

Frankly, I expected "How Rembrandt Reveals Your Beautiful, Imperfect Self," by one Roger Housden, which has been on my shelf unread for a couple of years, to be more of an art book. (I got it with the idea of giving it to my son's then-wife, an artist, but they divorced almost immediately amid way too much drama.) The title really should have tipped me off, however. It's more of a self-help/inspiration book, centered around Rembrandt's life and especially his self-portraits, which he did at every stage of his career. Now Rembrandt was not a conventionally handsome man. Housden's point is that the self-portraits not only show different moods at different stages of his career but are unflinchingly honest -- warts and all, so to speak. When he was down, the self-portraits look almost ugly.

Rembrandt went from unknown to highly celebrated and successful to being something of a forgotten has-been forced to sell all his possessions to survive during his career. The lessons Housden takes from the life: Open Your Eyes and follow your passion; Love This World as you find it; Troubles Will Come to anybody; Stand Like a Tree when you think you're too weak; Keep the Faith in yourself and the power of love; and finally Accept the Inevitable when your time comes.

Not always completely inspired, but it has lots of illustrations from Rembrandt paintings, and that can't be all bad.

The future of choral music?

Even if you know what's coming, this will be fascinating, perhaps even amazing to you. This guy wrote a piece of choral music, then made the music available for a free download on the Internet. He asked people to video themselves singing one of the parts and got 185 responses from 12 countries, then blended them all together to make a choir. The results are quite astounding. Rough translation:

Light,

warm and heavy as pure gold

and the angels sing softly

to the new-born baby.

http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1958

You won't regret clicking on it. Thanks to my old chorus director Don Morris for finding this and bringing it to my attention. He suggested that maybe 25 years from now people will e-mail their parts in and if it's good enough they'll e-mail you back some applause.

McChrystal: the flawed flogging the clueless

Since I'm on a leave of absence I don't have access to the Rolling stone article about Afghan campaign top general Stanley McChrystal, but here's a link to a piece with some key excerpts. His comments look to fit the classic Washington definition of a gaffe: an inadvertent or inconvenient dollop of truth, the eternal enemy of all things governmental.

I'm convinced, for example, that McChrystal's characterization of Obama as ill-informed and somewhat disengaged about Afghanistan is almost certainly true. Obama had no background in or interest in foreign affairs before being elected, and his decision to call Afghanistan the "right" war was strictly political, to countermand the impression that he is a war wimp. He seems to have no clue just how complicated Afghanistan is -- or how unnecessary it is for the U.S. to fight there, given that the Taliban is an indigenous Afghan movement and al-Qaida, which does have international ambitions (though little operational capacity) has no real foothold in Afghanistan. The fact the al-Qaida and the Taliban are different outfits that don't have identical agendas seems to have escaped him.

While McChrystal's slams at the administration (except for Hillary) ring true, however, his own plan is deeply flawed and rife with wishful thinking. Classic counterinsurgency doctrine depends on a stable government with a reasonable amount of popular support and effective security forces to succeed. This is hardly the case in Afghanistan, where Karzai's rule doesn't extend beyond Kabul and the government (and Karzai's brother) are profoundly corrupt and unpopular. Not only is it unnecessary for the U.S. to dictate the political outcome in Afghanistan, it is most unlikely to succeed in a country with deepseated suspicion of outside powers and no desire to have an effective central government. So there are no good guys in this flap.

Reading a few novels

I love reading books of all kinds, but for the past several years I have limited myself, reading almost exclusively to books that I planned to review for the Register's Commentary pages or that related directly to reasonably current events I was likely to write about, which has meant almost exclusively books with fairly direct relevance to current events. While off with my illnesses, I decided to expand my reading horizons a bit, with mixed results.

I've had a couple of Harry Kemelman's books on my shelf for a while without reading them. He's the creator of the Rabbi detective David Small. I read "Sunday the Rabbi Stayed Home," and found it quite satisfactory. An intriguing and credible murder mystery told within the context of tales of dissension within the congregation. I'm sure I would enjoy all the other Rabbi mysteries. I also read "The Nine Mile Walk," a collection of short stories about Prof. Nicky Welt, a bright prof who solves mysteries as something of an afterthought. I found them clever but not as satisfying as the Rabbi Small book.

I also read "The Schirmer Inheritance" by fabled spy novelist Eric Ambler, and found it altogether satisfying and intriguing. Lots of twists and surprises and a conclusion one didn't necessarily expect.

I also slogged through Henry James's late novel "The Ambassadors," and sad to say it confirmed my incomprehension that many consider him the finest novelist of all time. It certainly explored the psychology of the main character rather thoroughly, it told the story skillfully from his perspective, and it was nice to have characters with some intellectual depth. But in the end one still didn't care all that much about them, and the actions at the climax were insufficiently motivated. I'm not all that tempted to read more.

UCLA baseball? Who knew?

When I was in college I don't think I went to a single college baseball game, even though I attended quite a few sporting events, including not only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's (then Lew Alcindor's) first appearance on campus and a bunch of rugby games, for heaven's sake. I have been aware that a number of UCLA players, notably Troy Glaus, have distinguished themselves in the bigs, but I've never paid much attention to UCLA baseball or college baseball in general.

Then a few weeks ago, having more free time to channel-surf than any non-invalid would, I became aware that UCLA was playing Cal State Fullerton for the right to go to the College WOrld Series in Omaha. Having worked in Orange County all these years I was aware the CSF is a perennial power and occasional national champion. So I was pleased that UCLA beat them and then, on Saturday, I believe, beat Florida rather decisively in the first round of the CWS. The Bruins are playing again today, and I think I'll give them a watch.

Bringing opera to the people

If this performance by the Philadelphia Opera Co. doesn't bring a smile to your face, you're deader than I would have been if I hadn't had surgery: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zmwRitYO3w

Quote of the Day

"Thought . . . is the dignity of a man, and no man is rising but in proportion as he is learning to think clearly and forcibly, or directing the energy of his mind to the acquisition of truth. Every man [we would say person; this was written in 1840], in whatsoever condition, is to be a student. No matter what other vocation he may have, his chief vocation is to Think." -- William Ellery Channing

A noble sentiment, no doubt, but one wonders whether more than a small minority are really capable of critical thought. Albert J. Nock eventually decided that most were not "educable," and claimed that coming to that conclusion made him happier. He no longer wasted his time being impatient with slow-witted, unreflective people. They were what they were.

Lakers win, thugs embarrass us

I was enthralled that the Lakers won last night, especially considering the effort required to come from behind after Boston dominated the first half. (I've been paying close attention to the Lakers since the late 1960s, when they had West and Baylor and that gritty little Bruin Gail Goodrich and could beat anybody but Boston, so I'm not a Willy-come-lately.) I was less than thrilled, however, that a few thugs and drunks thought it would be cool to run riot, burn a taxi, make some efforts at looting and generally embarrass all of Southern California. Such idiots provide justification for a heavy police presence and feed the impression that without the police out in full riot-gear force, chaos and disorder are ever-present dangers. A moment's thought would confirm that the government creates much more chaos and disorder than it prevents; indeed, the announcement that the police would be out in force, as well as the media coverage, may have fed the appetite of the idiots.

Good post-surgery news

We went to see Dr. Nissen, the surgeon who did my Whipple operation, yesterday, and the news was all good. The open wound is healing nicely, though it might be another two weeks rather than one week before it is fully healed (this is a tribute to my wonderful wife Jen, who after some squeamish moments has handled packing the wound terrifically). The best news, however, is that the post-surgical pathology report came in. The tumor was so big that the surgeons weren't sure whether it was ampullary (confined to the bile duct area) or in the pancreas. It turns out to have been ampullary -- if it had been pancreatic, apparently it would have been tantamount to a death sentence. So the prospects for a full recovery are excellent. We'll do chemotherapy, but it's to make sure no undiscovered malignancy has spread to elsewhere rather than to fight an identified malignancy.

Details about chemo are still to be worked out, but we're feeling optimistic and terrific just now.

Quote of the Day

"Language ... is the indispensable mechanism of human life. To be able to read and write is to learn to profit by and to take part in the greatest of human achievements -- that which makes all other achievements possible -- namely, the pooling of our experience in great cooperative stores of knowledge ... From the warning cry of primitive man to the latest scientific monograph or news bulletin, language is social. Cultural and intellectual cooperation is, or should be, the great principle of human life." S.I. Hayakawa, from "Language in Thought and Action"

Afghan minerals: Blessing or curse?

The news that Afghanistan, one of the poorest countries in the world, might turn out to have $1 trillion-with-a-t worth of mineral deposits might offer some promise of relief from the grinding poverty the country endures -- or not. Unfortunately, the record of countries with big resource pools is not exactly encouraging. For the most part governments tend to nationalize such resources, which means that the government and those with political clout reap whatever benefits are to be had, while the rest of the people get the shaft -- and the situation is aggravated by just how rich some favored people become.

As Amity Shlaes suggests in this piece, there's a better way -- establishing and honoring property rights. But the odds on it happening that way are not exactly encouraging. Perhaps, given that Afghanistan has never had an effective central government, tribal and regional leaders might be able to stave off a complete power-grab at the center. But if power corrupts, the prospect of power and wealth can corrupt pretty effectively also.

Quote of the Day

"O life, you should never have begun, but since you did, you should never end! There is nothing more sought after or fragile than you, and he who loses you once recovers you too late." -- Baltasar Gracian
Some other Gracian quotes.

Toward honesty in college athletics

It was announced a few days ago when I didn't much feel like sitting in front of a computer, but I think a comment might still be apropos. I had almost no feeling of Schadenfreude when it was announced the USC had serious sanctions imposed on it by the NCAA -- two years of not being able to go bowling and the loss of 30 athletic scholarships over three years -- even though USC is UCLA's traditional rival. One doesn't really want to see a rival crippled by outside parties; one wants to be able to beat them when they're attheir best.

The larger issue, however, is the fiction -- the cult -- of amateurism in college athletics. I don't think it's likely, but I would love to see it abandoned. The amateurism requirement is a hangover from the 19th-century aristocrats who helped to establish the Olympics and other modern sports and claimed to believe that "gentlemen do not take money for playing games" -- which helped to eliminate competition from poorer kids who might need to take money. We would be better off, I think, if colleges that wanted outstanding sports programs openly paid "student-athletes" and dropped the pretense. As it is, schools with, for example, outstanding football programs, reap monetary benefits, while the athletes risk injury providing the product for the price of an athletic scholarship. Better to stop pretending and have athletes paid openly, perhaps even negotiating fees year by year. It wouldn't be inconsistent with going to classes and getting a degree, and in fact it's likely that fewer would leave early for the pros.

Comments?

Healing nicely

Just in case anyone is interested, I am healing rather nicely. I guess the fact the there was a big pocket under my incision, which led Dr. Nissen to remove staples and leave a fairly large open wound over part of the incision, has made the process slower than it might have been ideally. But after some tentativeness the first couple of times, Jen has become quite expert at "packing" the wound -- i.e., filling it with gauze to absorb various stuff -- twice a day, and does it without causing pain. The wound is noticeably healing and becoming smaller each day. When we were in the office last week, Dr. Nissen and Honore estimated it should be fully healed in about two weeks from last Thursday. Then they'll design a chemotherapy regimen.

The Cult bites Barack

The building aftermath of the Gulf oil-spew demonstrates, as a side effect, the absurdity of the modern habit of treating the president and the presidency as near magical in power and ability. People are said to be upset with Obama because he hasn't been angry enough or the fedgov hasn't done enough. It's almost as if people expected him to don a wetsuit, be impervious to the pressure, and dive down with a blowtorch and fix everything.

All this is part of the Cult of the Presidency, seeing the president as the First Teacher, First Parent, First Avenger, First Mentor, First Moralist. In the real world Obama is stuck moving back and forth between ineffectual and perhaps phony anger and reassurances. Don't know yet whether this is Obama's Katrina. It doesn't deserve to be, perhaps, but he does deserve to have one.

Back from surgery

In fact I have been somewhat remiss. We have been home since last Wednesday night. The surgery seems to have gone well; in fact immediately afterward Dr. Nissen told Jen I was "rock solid stable." However, it was extensive surgery, and the aftermath is not over. The day we were to leave, Dr. Nissen came in, looked at the big incision in my stomach (21 staples, vertical), said "that's not good" and pulled out about 10 of them in the middle, revealing an open wound. He explained that if it healed with a pocket it would have a tendency to collect liquid and would not be good. So he informed Jen that she would have to pack the open wound with gauze twice a day. She said, "You're kidding," but he finally talked her into believing she could do it. And she has. The wound is healing from the inside out.

On Monday we ran out of the good gauze and had some uncertainty, so Honore, the nurse, asked us to come in to the office. She said the wound was looking good and gave us some softer gauze. Things are going OK, in short, but full wound healing will probably take another couple of weeks. Then chemotherapy. I don't know how often I'll feel like posting, but I'm here and all right.

Government can be trusted -- to be untruthful

They've been running those "Click it or ticket" ads on TV for some time now, warning that cops will be especially on the alert to nab people not wearing seatbelts, but the intensity seems to have increased in the last couple of weeks. It raises a pet peeve on my part.

I distinctly remember. when California's mandatory seat belt law was being debated in the 1980s, that in response to concerns proponents solemnly promised that this -- cops specifically looking for seatbelt violations -- would never happen. If a policeman pulled somebody over for some other violation having to do with the way one was driving, and noticed the lack of seatbelt, we were promised, he could issue a ticket for the seatbelt violation, but no cop would do anything so petty as looking just for folks without seatbelts. What kind of petty folks do you think law makers and enforcers are??!!

Didn't take all that long for that solemn promise to morph into "Click it or Ticket."

Surgery apparently imminent

We still haven't received insurance authorization, but the assistants at various doctors' offices say it should be forthcoming, so we are proceeding as if surgery will be done this week. To Cedars-Sinai in the morning for a final blood test in case a transfusion is needed during surgery. Our son Steve will be staying at our house and taking care of the dogs. All the tests show that except for this nasty little bile duct tumor I'm in excellent health and there's no evidence of metastatization, so we're anticipating the surgery will be successful and after some hospital time and recovery time at home -- maybe three months -- I'll be tip-top.

I'm immensely appreciative of many people I know and quite a few I don't know expressing interest and sending prayers and good wishes. I know that my writing tuches quite a few people I dopn't know and will probably never known, but the response to the illness and imminent surgery has been heartwarming. I'll probably be dark for a while -- we'll have a laptop at the hospital but I don't know if I'll have the energy or motivation to use it -- but expect something in a week or so.

Surgery coming soon

We went to see Dr. Nissen, the surgeon, and Dr. Sokolov, the infectious disease doctor, associated with Cedars-Sinai, today. Based on the PET/CT scan and other tests, they decided I'm a good candidate for Whipple surgery, and together we decided to do it. The date hasn't been set yet -- somebody else had to be consulted about Dr. Nissen's schedule -- but we should know tomorrow and it should be in the next couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to it pretty confidently. Based on the PET/CT scan the cancer hasn't spread, and this surgery should eliminate all the malignancy. Some of the research we did suggested that one should seek a doctor who is experienced with Whipple and does 5 or 10 a year. Dr. Nissen often does four a week and participates in international symposia. He's a nice person who inspires a great deal of confidence.

The main thing for the rest of our time at home is to build my strength for the surgery. I'm eating well and will do more walking and yardwork. I'm also doing lung exercises and playing the clarinet for the first time in some years. Feeling confident.

Health issues coming into focus

It is Saturday, but when you don't have to go to work, every day is like a Saturday. Jen and I especially like having breakfast on our front patio on Saturdays when the weather is welcoming. Today the birds were especially vocal as I ate my lox-n-bagel and Jen her toast and eggs. After the last few weeks I could almost think about retirement, though until now I have steadfastly refused to give it much thought because I still love my j0b.

Anyway, on Thursday I had my PET/CT scan at a lab in Murrieta, likely the last test before surgery. As we read the report, it does look as if the malignancy is still confined to a small area. The PET scan, as I understand it, identifies areas that are warm as a guide to whether the cancer is metastatasizing. The scan found lesions on the liver, but they already biopsied those in the hospital and they aren't cancerous. We'll see the surgeon some time next week and learn then what the next steps are -- hopefully a surgery that barely challenges Dr. Nissen's skills and gets rid of all the cancerous mass and then some

Put a non-lawyer on the Supreme Court!

The nomination of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court raises an issue I have written columns about for some 20 years now -- though none in the last couple of years. Ms. Kagan has never served as a sitting judge, and some will no doubt criticize her for that. But there's no requirememtn in the Constitution that a nominee be a sitting judge -- in fact, there's no requirement that a nominee be a lawyer. (At the time the Constitution was written, of course, the elaborate licensing laws built around lawyering had not been erected yet; people generally became lawyers by having another lawyer mentor them, serving what we would call an internship these days, and then hanging out their shingle when they thought they were ready.)

The serious point about the Supreme Court is that for better or worse it has become the final arbiter of law and social policy, and it would be useful to have people other than lawyers and experienced judges sitting there. The ins and outs of the law the court handles are not so difficult that they can't be mastered by a reasonably intelligent person. It just might be useful to have a novelist, a businessperson, a political scientist, a hard scientist, perhaps even a "community organizer" on the court to bring various perspectives to bear on the decisions.

Somewhat incapacitated

In case anybody has been looking here and wondering what happened to me, it's been illness. About three weeks ago -- four? -- Jen noticed I was looking yellow, which means jaundice. Long story short, moving from a hospital in Murietta that couldn't help me to Cedars-Sinai, I have a blockage in my biliary ducts -- some relieved by a stent, so the jaundice is gone, but what remains is cancerous. There's a surgery called Whipple to take such things out, and I'm now at home taking antibiotics and preparing for surgery, perhaps in a week. I doubt if I'll have much to say about politics for a while yet -- you might be surprised just cooking right and taking care of me takes. But I'm feeling good and optimistic. Maybe more on my condition as my strength increases, but then a silent period again.

So who won the Vietnam war really?

William Thompson, who teaches public administration at UNLV. makes a provocative and fairly persuasive case that insofar as "we wanted to demonstrate the viability of free enterprise capitalism in competition with state ownership of commerce," the US. -- or at least free enterprise -- won the war. He recently visited his son, who is a teacher at the South Saigon International School and noticed almost nothing but vibrant capitalism going on. After the communist takeover of the South, which did lead to great loss of life and liberty -- and to the enrichment of the cultural landscape of Orange County as an unintended byproduct -- and a fair amount of warring, communist ideology did what people predicted. It led to economic stagnation, shortages and spreading poverty. So the leaders, while still calling themselves communist, started to permit more freedoms, to recognize private property. Now they havebustling markets, capital investment, manuifacturing and export development.

This squares with what my former colleagues Steve Greenhut and Mike Shelton found when they visited Vietnam five years ago or so. The Communist Party still rules, but the ideology is generally capitalist. So who won the war? Or perhaps more pertinent, wouldn't this development have come on more quickly if we hadn't prolonged the war or maybe not fought it at all?

Some virus laid me low

I hardly ever get sick, so when I felt a little under the weather Thursday I went to work anyway. I felt pretty good Friday and Saturday, but on Sunday some kind of virus hit me like a tsunami. I didn't feel like getting up off whatever bed or couch I was lying on, but I was a bit agitated so I kept moving from one place to the other. I just didn't feel like doing a thing, had no energy. Chills and fever. I felt the same way on Monday and did stay home from work,as I'm doing today. I feel considerably better today, but far from 100%. This is all unfamiliar territory for me, but I guess some nasty bug found a way past my immune system. I hate it.

Drilling announcement mostly symbolic

I'll give Barack Obama a certain amount of credit for announcing that certain tracts on the Outer Continental Shelf could be opened to oil and gas seismic exploration and drilling. Although there's little chance any drilling will actually occur there anytime soon, he certainly has taken heat fro0m much of his base, and he had to know it was coming. It took me a while today, with help from Jerry Taylor of Cato, just what the legal status of his announcement is. As I understand it, it's an amendment to the moratorium he reinstated when he became president (see here for more of the history). It's more politically than geophysically calculated (of course), slated off the shores of states where it's likely to be popular and not off California, where it's not so likely. Jerry Taylor thinks it's his way of saying "I care" as gasoline prices rise this summer. He's probably right.

Don't Ask complications

This is too rich. As the WaPo story relates, DefSec Gates wants a survey of serving military to assess attitudes about changing the ridiculous Don't Ask Don't Tell policy regarding gays in the military, and he wants to be sure serving gays are part of it. But if a uniformed officer is told by a gay or lesbian about sexual orientation, he or she just might be required, under current policy, to initiate an investigation that could lead to dismissal. (A gay organization estimates about 2% of the military, or 66,000 people are gay or lesbian.)

This is all pretty silly. The po0licy is harmful, the military will adjust to a new policy and all this study-it-to-death gradualism is unnecessary. They ought to just change the policy, the more quickly the better.

Is Obama just obtuse about Afghanistan?

Most of the other hypotheses don't seem to make much sense, so I'm starting to approach the conclusion that Barack Obama is just not that smart. It should hardly come as a surprise. He undoubtedly has an IQ slightly higher than normal or he wouldn't have made it through college and law school (though it might be interesting to see his transcripts, which to my knowledge he hasn't released yet). But in retrospect what he seems to have displayed throughout his career is more cunning or what some would call sagacity rather than real learning. He has obviously been extremely ambitious for a long time; perhaps he has had the presidency in mind since early college days. So he has been alert to the main chance, aware of the kinds of alliances he ought to make, aware that a sensitive autobiography would make him look special in the eyes of the easily duped intellectuals of our fading empire, aware of how to present himself as a multicultural black man. But his reputation for being really smart is belied by so many of his actions.

What has me going this time is not health care, though there's plenty of evidence there, but Afghanistan. His visit there earlier this week cemented this war as "his" war. But the war makes so little sense that you would think almost any reasonably intelligent person -- I suspect he didn't take any international relations classes in college and he certainly has not shown any special interest in that field heretofore, so maybe that's a mitigating factor -- would have been able to figure it out. The official line about keeping al-Qaida out of Afghanistan is obviously absurd -- al-Qaida hasn't been there since 2002. He has to know the Taliban is an indigenous Afghan outfit without international ambitions, so while a takeover would be sad for many Afghans it would have few if any international repercussions. He is obviously aware enough that Karzai is a corrupt tool and uncooperative to boot that it annoys him. So why does he insist on maintaining a U.S. presence in the Graveyard of Empire? Does he really want to preside over the fall of the American Empire? Is he so deluded as to think we can bring a semblance of democracy, stability or semi-decent governance in the next 15 months or so? Is he just cunning enough to realize that historians tend to rank American presidents who have presided over wars as "greater" than those who presided over peaceful periods?

Maybe he's just not that smart.